Battle of Champions Part 2

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

—  Ralph Waldo Emerson

In the first book of Samuel, chapter seventeen we read about the moment David was going out to face Goliath. David was angry about how Goliath had been taunting the troops and was moved to go out and face the giant in battle. However, he didn't just run out onto the battlefield. The first thing he did was go to the king to get permission to represent the army. At first Saul doesn't even want to let David go fight but David persists and convinces him to let him go. However, before Saul let's David step onto the field of combat he offers David his armor. 

Now, Saul probably thought he was sending David out to his death and felt like giving him the armor was the least he could do. After all, how else was this small shepherd boy going to survive against a giant! Of all the moments that people talk about from this historic confrontation between David and Goliath this is the one that really hits home for me. Wearing the Kings Armor!

David gets everything on and then tries to just walk. He instantly knows that this isn't going to work for him. He turns around and tells Saul, "I can't wear these, I'm not used to them"!

You see, I've been there. A young immature Christian full of passion ready to go out and change the world! I knew what God wanted me to do and I was ready to step out on the field of battle and fight some giants! Then some well meaning believers who had more years under their belt than I did looked at me and shook their heads no. They told me I wasn't ready yet but offered to let me wear some of their armor so I could stand a fighting chance.

It was a slow process and I didn’t get all the pieces from just one person but little by little I ended up wearing someone else’s armor. Oh, you preach the word really well, sure I’ll take your helmet! You do a great job running outreach ministry, I’ll take your boots for sure! I allowed my doubt and insecurity drive me to cover what I saw as weakness with what others had worn into battle. Finally I was fully equipped and covered. Surely now I had to be ready.

But...

I had the same problem as David when I tried walking in someone else's armor. I could barely move. I had on the full outfit but it was clunky and uncomfortable. It just didn’t feel right. Unlike David, I never tried to take it back off. I didn't feel confident enough in who God made me so I relied on the words of other people to help me figure things out. I wanted to do the right thing and they were sincerely wanting to help me. But instead of feeling secure all I felt was weight. The armor of other people didn't prepare me for battle it just slowed me down. I have spent years of my life trying to learn how to move and run and fight while wearing the pieces of someone else's armor. They were years of waiting. I thought that once I felt comfortable in that suit of armor I would finally be ready to face the giants that I heard taunting me day in and day out.

That day never came. I wasn’t getting stronger and more prepared. I was just growing weaker and ultimately more frustrated. 

When I first got saved I felt like I had a fire that I could barely control burning on the inside. I wanted to tell everyone I knew and met about what Jesus had done for me. One of the ways you can put out a fire is by smothering it. If a pan catches fire in a kitchen you throw a lid on it and the lack of oxygen cause the fire to go out. That is what putting on someone else's armor was like for me. It was a lid on the fire inside of me. It smothered me. It put out my fire and all I was left with was fake. A fake me, with a fake passion, fighting fake battles. 

It's taken time but I've been taking off the armor. It's been coming off one piece at a time but I'm almost there. It has been hard and it’s been painful but the freedom every time another piece is taken off and set aside is worth it!

Some of you reading this might be thinking “I’m in the same situation!” “How do you finally take off someone else’s armor?”. 

Get real with yourself. Get honest with yourself. Listen to what God is telling you and then start letting the opinions of others go!!! I have been a people pleaser my whole life. One of the reasons this has been so hard for me is because I typically do whatever it takes to keep people from being upset with me. So, if I got a piece of armor from you the thought of setting it down and saying “thanks but it doesn’t fit me” has shot my anxiety through the roof! I worry almost constantly about what will they think when I take this off and set it aside. Will they be mad or upset at me? Will they push me away? I worry because so many of them were so happy with me the more I looked like them! Would they still be happy with me when I looked nothing like them anymore?

Finally I reached a point where my desire to be free was greater than my desire to please people. First I had to decide whose opinion actually mattered to me. I’m a married man. At the end of the day there is only one person’s opinion that I care about and that is my wife’s. Everyone else, I can listen to advice and I may value some of what you have to say but if what you tell me is driving a wedge between me and my wife. See ya! Don’t let the door hit you on the rear on the way out!

Second, I had to come to terms with a lot of my past and things that I had accepted as normal that were actually abnormal. When I brought those hurts, those toxic ideas and ways of thinking to God, a miraculous thing happened. God brought healing and restoration! I felt new! I was living the words of Jesus and being born again!

The fire I had in the beginning is starting to flicker alive again. I've picked up a couple of those stones I saw years ago. A couple more and I think I'll finally be ready to step out on the field to fight those giants. The ones that I've heard run their mouths all this time. I'm not quite there yet but I'm coming. Those giants won't stand a chance when I face them fully as myself. No more false identity. No more attempts at being someone God never intended for me to be. 

On that day, the giant dies...

Stand up with me.

Let's fight like Outcasts!