Relationships Part 1

Relationships, does anyone exactly understand them? I know relationship experts exist but how in the world do you become one of those? People absolutely baffle me and I must admit, my tolerance for most of God’s creation is very low. I am waiting on the lightning bolt that’s going to come down from Heaven and give me a supernatural acceptance of the stupidity I often observe. Right here is where I would usually insert some motivational quote or ground breaking scripture like, “LOVE LIKE JESUS”.  Until it struck me today as I was reading about the ministry of Jesus...He struggled with relationships too.

I am what you call an “observer”. I notice everything. I pick up on everything. I’m aware of everything. Some would call this a curse and believe me, at times it has felt like that. There have been many times when my eyes physically cannot stop moving because I’m drawn to every slightest sensation or change in the wind. I call it a blessing, because it has taught me that the world is so much bigger than ME. It has shown me that the ability to pay attention to the tiniest of details make the big details seem out of this world. It has taught me appreciation. However, in terms of observing people, it has left me with more questions than I have answers. I want to tell you that my psychology degree helped; that I suddenly understood why people were motivated to do the things they do. Why man was so self-seeking? Why love is used as a means to obtain, instead of give? Why I fell into this trap myself?

During my childhood, I would describe myself as a collector of people. I craved connection. And I know what you’re thinking? What’s so wrong with that? Well, the connection I craved stemmed from my need for acceptance. I wanted to be liked to such a degree that I had zero boundaries. I accepted any form of friendship. I collected people I shouldn’t because their presence filled the void I often felt. Their presence made me feel loved, wanted, and enough. Their presence gave me the validation that I couldn’t give myself and certainly, wasn’t being told. Sadly, many of those I allowed into my life, left me with years of hurt and abuse.

During my teenage and young adult years, I would describe myself as a concealer of people. I hid! Being so open left a lot of room for things I never thought I would endure. I saw the ugly side of mankind and as a result, I boarded up my heart and made sure no one would ever have access to me again. My walls were high. I no longer craved connection, I craved isolation. I avoided and suppressed. Because yes, isolation was lonely, but hurt couldn’t find me there. Rejection wasn’t allowed there. I got used to being alone and I can’t even begin to describe how dangerous that trap is. The feeling of not needing people, not wanting connection outside of my home, came with some very powerful demons.

But Jesus understood my pain. Religious leaders condemned Him, Judas betrayed Him, and Peter denied Him. Jesus knew all too well the mess of dealing with people. Yet, HE STAYED CONNECTED. Jesus still ate in the homes of those religious leaders. Jesus still kissed the cheek of the one who betrayed Him. Jesus still called the man who denied Him to a life of radical ministry. Throughout it all, Jesus kept showing up. He didn’t collect for his own ego. He didn’t conceal out of his own fear and insecurities. He called and connected, despite His suffering.

During whatever time I have left, I want to become a connector of people. Like Jesus, I want to use the gift of relationship to help others understand that purpose exists outside of what we see every day; that destiny lives beyond our emotional wants. Instead of searching for what I can obtain and connecting people to myself, I want to point others to the mark of a higher calling. I want to connect people to Jesus.

So how do we do this?

First, we have to tell our own logic, reasoning and most importantly, our ego to get out of the way. You see, I wasn’t placed here to understand people, to fix people or to make people look like me. If I only love those who resemble me, what sacrifice lies in that? People come from all different backgrounds, different races, different cultures, different upbringings, different personalities, different behaviors, and different mindsets. It would be foolish and selfish to demand those around me to conform to my ideas and my identity. Yet this is what the church does. All to fill a seat. We scream inclusion, but the first time an individual doesn’t look like us, we reject and ignore. We preach about giftings and anointings, but only the ones that fill a room. Anything outside of that, well, the Lord couldn’t possibly produce fruit from it. Because we have adopted the idea that we decide how yokes are broken and anything outside of our box marked normal, we instantly shut off our hearts. Forgetting that God used a donkey, and a prostitute, and a thief, and a whale, and countless sinners.

We have to understand that, yes, I am chosen, but so are 7 billion other people and God didn’t choose people because of me. In fact, I am chosen in spite of me. Others do not need my permission or blessing to become who God has called them to be and they certainly do not need my hate, my slander, or my arrogance as they try to step into that identity. If all of Heaven rallies for an individual, why don’t we? Why do we only promote and support the things with our name on them or things that make us look righteous? When do we prefer our brother? We have forgotten the command to love God with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbor like WE LOVE OURSELVES.

So, may we remember this day our call to serve.

May we use our influence to help the individual who is sitting by themselves.

May we stop desiring to fit into the circle of acceptance, and be relentless in our pursuit to create a circle of outcasts.

May we stop trying to put butts in seats and begin to send disciples into the streets.

May we feed the hungry, clothe the poor, love the lost and may we do it without positing it on social media, announcing it to a crowd, or with actions that scream, “LOOK AT ME!”

May you open your home, expand your table and tear down your fence.

May we remember this day, we are commissioned to connect others to Jesus and point to something much greater than ourselves.

From collector….to concealor….to connector.