As They Went

My family and I are currently in a difficult time in life.

In 2018, we started noticing some “red flags” with my father. He wasn’t acting like himself. His behavior seemed very off. Some of the things he would say wouldn’t make any sense. He became paranoid, anxious, and off-balanced. By the end of that year, we would have an answer to all of this odd behavior. My father had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and was in the beginning stages of fighting a very tough battle.

Over the course of the next few months, the word “stages” was thrown around a lot. It was important for us to monitor symptoms of this disease since the onset of these symptoms would measure what stage he was in. Within Parkinson’s, there are four stages. Naturally, he started out at Stage 1.

As years went on, I found myself obsessed with measuring the stages. With every new symptom, I became worried that he would progress into other stage, leaving my family and me with less and less time. With Parkinson’s, he could be in one stage for years or he could progress to a new stage within months. It affects everyone differently and we never really know what each day holds.

Stage 1...stage 2…stage 3...I constantly feel like time is running away from me and I can’t get enough of it. I keep praying for more of it. I feel selfish, but I need more. Memories of my childhood flood my mind daily. Scary movie nights, King’s Island days, playing cards at the dinner table, wrestling matches, nerf war battles. I find myself desperate to create more of these moments. So desperate in fact, I even shot my father with a nerf dart hoping it would spark a memory or a desire for him to get up and play more battles with me. That’s right folks! I shot my sick father with a nerf dart. Sometimes, desperation has us doing crazy, bizarre things.

My father is not the same man he was just four years ago. The manifestation of this disease is evident and while I continue to pray for healing, every day is a painful reminder that we have no promise of tomorrow. I ask God daily, “What does our tomorrow hold?”

During this time, I have had to dive deep into God’s word to remind myself of His promises. Understanding healing and God’s sovereignty has been a saving grace for my family and I.  As always, the ministry of Jesus has spoken volumes to me as I try to understand why God works the way He does.

John 4:52 says, "Then enquired he of them the hour when he began to amend. And they said unto him, yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him." The Bible says that the nobleman's son began to amend from that hour—at the hour Jesus said, "Thy son lives" (v. 53).

Also, Luke 17:14 says, "When he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed." The Bible says that the 10 lepers were healed as they went. People are healed today just as they were in Bible days. Some of them are healed instantly. But some are healed as they go.

As they went! As they journeyed! As they follow Jesus’s instruction! The healing came in motion, in process, maybe even, in stages!

Maybe today you are like me and my family. Maybe you’re measuring life in stages, wondering what tomorrow holds. Maybe you receive glimpses of good days, only to be plummeted with reminders that life isn’t always fair. Maybe you’ve prayed and begged for healing, but you’ve been left with more questions than answers.

Allow me to write these words over your situation today. As they went! Today, move faithfully in the direction that God is calling you to go, whatever that looks like in the final stage. Today, embrace the process of healing and lean on the promise that better days are coming. You may not see them, but as you go, I promise that it will come.

And as my family moves forward, no matter what that final stage looks like, we will forever believe that God heals. Through it all, my father has not missed one birthday party, one holiday or one grill out. He has not forgotten a single family member, and continues to show up to the bus stop every day at exactly 3:20pm to pick up my kids. As we go, we praise God for the many ways He heals and keeps His promises. As we enter into the final stage, I keep a loaded nerf gun ready at all times. The hour for my epic battle is right around the corner. I can feel it. So here we go…