Be Yourself (No One Else Can)

-

I feel like a warning label should be added here in this moment. Hello my name is Breona Ball. I am crazy. I am very passionate. I am very real and I use a lot of exclamation points and capitals (because there is NO OTHER WAY to live life!) 😂


Authenticity
This is a word that has been tumbling around in my spirit like a wobbling weeble! IT WAS KINDOF MAKING ME NAUSEOUS!! What does it mean to be authentic? Am I my authentic self? How am I supposed to answer these questions? 
So for the passed few weeks God has been dealing with me. He has opened this well of questions that have made me examine myself in ever aspect of my life. However, the one that started it all is, ARE YOU BEING TRULY AUTHENTIC!!?
Hearing this question in my spirit was like getting hit in the face by a bag of nickels by your best friend! It hurt... It was hard... Its left some bruises... It was super confusing... And just being real it made me a bit angry! However once I stepped back and actually paid attention the reality was NO!!! I WAS NOT BEING MY AUTHENTIC SELF!!! Digging in I realized how God didn't ask me this to cause any pain. He asked me this to open my eyes to holes that needed to be filled in my life. He wants to fill those empty spaces! 

FOUR YEARS AGO

Four years ago I was in a place in my life where I was alone. I just got out of a marriage. I was broken, lost, and running to everything and everyone except God. Finally I swallowed the little bit of pride I had left and I tried Him out. I didn't know if I would ever marry again. But I did know I didn't want to be alone for ever. Growing up I always heard pray for your future spouse and I thought to myself at this point I might as well try! Now in all reality I didn't even know if God cared enough about me to even listen to my prayers. I wasn't in church. I wasn't living the right way and in all reality I viewed God as a father who would pick out all of my flaws and tell me, "Well if you stop making your life a HOT MESS AND RUNNING AROUND LIKE A CRAZY CHILD THEN maybe... Just maybe I could do something to help you!” I viewed Him as a condemning father and not as the loving father He really is. But in my mind there was nothing to loose I already failed at my marriage. So I tried. I wrote it all down. Knowing I had a part in my failed marriage ( NO it wasn't all his fault) I asked God to transform me. I asked Him to mold me into the wife, daughter, sister, friend, and mother that He had called me to be. Then I began to pray for my husband. And let me tell you I was SUPER specific!!!! I made sure I asked for someone 100% different than any other man i had ever been with!!! I made sure to include ALL the things I wanted and EVERYTHING I didn't want. And sure enough three months later I was SHOCKED but that man walked into my life!! YOU CARED GOD!! YOU REALLY CARED!! That wasn't the end that was only the beginning! Since then God has done exactly what I asked (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR!!! Because He will give it to you!!) He has Molded me, Stretched me, CRUSHED me all to build me and get me to a place so He can use this HOT MESS of a woman for His Glory! 

PRESENT DAY
Now fast forward 4 years I have grown and matured spiritually. But this authenticity thing has really shaken me! I can't believe it but just realized that for the past 29 years I have been afraid of being the Authentic BREONA in all aspects. Now don't get me wrong I am not one to be fake. But I have wrapped up so many parts of my life so tightly that I have began to suffocate the woman God Himself created me to be! Well right here in this moment I am taking a stand!! NO LONGER AM I GOING TO HIDE MY AUTHENTIC SELF!! NO LONGER AM I GOING TO ALLOW SATAN TO SILENCE ME! LONGER AM I GOING TO LISTEN TO THE LIES OF THE ENEMY, THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH, THAT I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH, THAT I AM NOT A GOOD WIFE, MOTHER, SISTER, FRIEND, AND WOMAN OF GOD!!!! 
I AM GOING TO WALK IN CONFIDENCE OF WHO GOD CREATED ME TO BE! I AM GOING TO BE TRULY AUTHENTIC!! 

The Bible says that we are BEAUTIFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE! SO IM GOING TO WALK INTO EACH DAY IN CONFIDENCE KNOWING THAT I AM EXACTLY THE WAY THAY GOD MADE ME!! 

I PRAY that this helps someone! I know I am not the only one hiding behind the fears of what others think and the fears of rejection. I pray that if you read this and you are starting to see your empty spaces that God fills them up! That you are able to walk in full freedom and confidence that God created you EXACTLY THE WAY HE WANTED YOU!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Antique Cars

-
Image
  Special Guest Blogger: Heather Thomas Fifteen seconds after the doctor ran my test for COVID-19, she giggled and said, “Wow, that came back fast. You’re positive!” I didn’t doubt the results as I had been quite sick for a couple days leading up to Christmas of 2020.  After my diagnosis, I got the same question that seemed to baffle everyone, “How are you going to stay in your house for two weeks?”  I laughed because to me, that sounds like Heaven.  I am 100% an introvert by nature.  Technology has made it to where I can order all my groceries with the swipe of a finger and if I want a pizza, that too.  I will also mention I have no children but, five fur babies.  My husband takes care of us not only financially but, does anything he can to help around the house.  While Coronavirus did have me quite sick, a couple weeks of solitude and rest did not bother me.   The idea of slowing down is almost foreign to some.  When you’re going ...
Read more

Sit Down and Shut Up

-
Image
 This week, I received a request on what I should write about. However, me being who I am, I am morally obligated to put my own spin on it. So here goes… A few years back, I remember stepping up to the altar for prayer. I went up because I felt like I was at a crossroad. Between work, friends, and life, I had some very urgent needs that I wanted to bring before God and see what He had to say. I knew my tribe would rally around me and speak whatever God laid on their heart. I still to this day take what others have to say into full consideration, being mindful to suppress my emotions first to never allow offense to take root in my heart. However, this time was different. A man met me there. Not just any man, but a man I had the utmost respect for. He placed his hand on my shoulder and began to pray for me. Without hesitation, he very loudly said, “Lord, I pray that you shut her mouth and teach her to speak like a woman should…..” And to make sure what he was praying was biblical, he...
Read more

The Mom Struggle

-
Image
  Written By Special Guest Blogger: Jessica Walriven So I was asked, well maybe I volunteered myself, to team with Felicia on the topic of the struggles of being a mother. So many things came to mind when we decided on this topic. As a mother I could speak on the joys of hearing your child’s laughter, the peace you get when all of your kids are safe and home together under one roof after a long busy week. I could speak about the pride you have when your child gets Student of the Week. On an on! However, I don’t feel like that is where God is wanting me to take this. It's easy to speak about all the good. Let’s be real, there is so much happiness being a mother brings you. I want to speak about the struggles we have as mothers. I can only speak on my own personal struggles and hope that at some point you can look at this and relate. I pray it encourages you, that you are not alone, and we are all in this together. Failure Motherhood started for me after what felt like a billion year...
Read more